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[Schaffer the Darklord]
Hey, MC Lars!

[MC Lars]
What's that, Schaffer?

[Schaffer the Darklord]
We're making the band!

[MC Lars]
Yeah!

[Schaffer the Darklord]
Literally

[MC Lars
That's-that's a good pun


[Verse 1: Schaffer the Darklord]
In an attempt to assemble the ultimate quintet
The rock world or any world has seen yet, we met
And schemed a way that we could get the best of the best
But in the end we had to settle for the bits that were left
We got nauseous
The stench of rotten flesh inside the coffins
Of Keith Moon, Buddy Rich
Mitch Mitchell, John Bohnam
We got 'em up, chopped 'em up
And sewed them together
Creating what would surely become
The greatest drummer ever
But wait this
Drummer needs a bassist, this is
When we dug up Dee Dee, Cliff Burton, and Sid Vicious
Rick James, Dave Blood
Pieced them all into one
Two abominations built, but we'd barely begun
We needed more of this
For a keyboardist, so we got the bodies
Of John Lennon, Ray Charles, even Liberace
Before completion of the resurrection, we reckon
We need some leads for this rhythm section, we got

[Hook]
[MC Lars]
A couple shovels

[Schaffer the Darklord]
A cart for haulin'

[MC Lars]
We going robbin'

[Schaffer the Darklord]
For rock stars coffins

[MC Lars]
A little thread

[Schaffer the Darklord]
An electric shock and

[MC Lars]
They're alive!

[Schaffer the Darklord]
Our monsters are rockin'


[Verse 2: MC Lars]
Moving on, Schaffer, this part's the hardest
The parts that we harvest now form our guitarist
Hendrix, Robert Johnson
That guy from Hawthorne Heights
A bit of Randy Rhoads from his final crazy flight
Ty Longley from Great White? His hands are too crispy
Let's open that FedEx sent from Corpus Christi
It's Selena, our singer
We've been dreaming of you
Pass me that hacksaw, we've got work to do
Yo Schaffer!

[Schaffer the Darklord]
Yes Lars?

[MC Lars]
Hand me Eazy-E's tongue
You don't want HIV
Wash your hands when you're done
Check out GG Allin's torso but try not to laugh
At the tattoos that he copied from his first grade art class
We're dusting skull fragments from Kurt Cobain's garage
Picking up the teeth from Dimebag Darrell's shattered jaw
It's not easy going out with a bullet to the face
When your last is a gun-shot, then all it takes is


[Hook]
[MC Lars]
A couple shovels

[Schaffer the Darklord]
A cart for haulin'

[MC Lars]
We going robbin'

[Schaffer the Darklord]
For rock stars coffins

[MC Lars]
A little thread

[Schaffer the Darklord]
An electric shock and

[MC Lars]
They're alive!

[Schaffer the Darklord]
Our monsters are rockin'


[Verse 3: Schaffer the Darklord]
Must have forgotten
That monsters rarely answer to masters
Our band's first slash last gig turned into disaster fast
Joey and Johnny Ramone's bones weren't compatible
And Johnny Thunder's leg kicked Johnny Cash's ass and all

[MC Lars]
Then we mixed 2Pac's neck with Biggie's hands
He choked himself out, now he can barely stand
Our band's still infamous and they're hunger starved
Let's try again with some younger stars

[Schaffer the Darklord]
Maybe Amy Winehouse, the late British soul diva

[MC Lars]
But she isn't dead yet!

[Schaffer the Darklord]
That gives me an idea...

[MC Lars]
DJ AM survived some turbulence
How about Pete Wentz?

[Schaffer the Darklord]
Who?

[MC Lars]
Haven't you heard of them?

[Schaffer the Darklord]
The kid's use a lot of auto-tune, but not a lot of heart

[MC Lars]
I guess Wal-Mart culture discourages art

[Schaffer the Darklord]
Dead-eyed lifeless stars are rising the charts

[MC Lars]
Next time we restart with more talented parts


[Hook]
[MC Lars]
A couple shovels

[Schaffer the Darklord]
A cart for haulin'

[MC Lars]
We going robbin'

[Schaffer the Darklord]
For rock stars coffins

[MC Lars]
A little thread

[Schaffer the Darklord]
An electric shock and

[MC Lars]
They're alive!

[Schaffer the Darklord]
Our monsters are rockin'

[MC Lars]
Punk rock's dead

[Schaffer the Darklord]
No pogo hoppin'

[MC Lars]
Death to false metal

[Schaffer the Darklord]
Do the monster mosh and

[MC Lars]
Hip-hop's gone

[Schaffer the Darklord]
Stop all the bottle poppin'
But we're alive!

[Schaffer the Darklord & MC Lars]
Our monsters are rocking!


(My creation
Is it real?
You're my creation
I do not know
No hesitation
No heart of gold
Just flesh and blood
I do not know)

credits

from The Friendalorians, released February 28, 2020

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MC Lars Oakland, California

Post-punk laptop rap.

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